This time, every year, I like to take inventory of where I am, reflect on the year, make plans for the upcoming year, and be grateful for all the many blessings from the Lord. It’s also a time of year to reflect on what and who we want to take with us into the new year, and to decide what and who not to take with us into the new year. Far too often, like an overloaded suitcase of misfitting clothes that we can’t bear to part with, we drag things with us from year to year, without ever thinking that some of those things should be left behind. For good. Below are 5 things that we need to leave behind as we embrace the new year.
Guilt, Shame, and Unhealed Wounds
Some of the things that we can drag with us are unhealed wounds and hurts from past relationships, shame from things that we have done or things done to us, guilt from things we left undone or wish we had not done, and insecurities. What we need is healing.
All of us make mistakes and all of us have been hurt by others. This is the universal human experience. How we respond determines whether we are healthy or unhealthy. To be healthy, we must determine that we will learn from our mistakes and painful experiences so that they are not repeated. Yes, we must take responsibility for our actions and how we contributed to a situation. However, far too many people (especially women) wallow in shame and guilt that is unwarranted, and become paralyzed. Women often feel responsible, even for things outside their control. If you are the victim of abuse or a crime, there is no shame or guilt on you! The responsibility falls entirely on the perpetrator.
Make the decision to leave behind guilt, shame, and unhealed wounds in the past year, and embrace the lessons from past experiences. Make healing a top priority.
Bitterness
Like shame and guilt, sometimes we drag bitterness into each new year. This not only taints the past years, but also ruins future years. Bitterness steals our joy and turns us into crabby, bitter, unhealthy people that others don’t want to be around. Bitterness often arises from what we perceive to be unfair situations. We harbor unforgiveness, which we then dwell on, which then consumes us with negativity. What we need is to exercise forgiveness.
Unforgiveness has been compared to drinking a cup of poison and expecting the other person to die. All it does is harm us, not the other person. Forgiveness does not mean we reconcile with an oppressor, say that what was done was “okay,” trust the perpetrator, give up the right to protect ourselves, expect the offender to be remorseful, or have any contact with an abuser. It simply means we give up our right to revenge and leave that to God. An ancient scripture states “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19. Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, it is for the victim, so she can live her life with joy again, knowing that God will hold the perpetrator accountable.
Make the decision to leave bitterness in the past year so that you can live in joy and peace.
Toxic Relationships
Sometimes we drag unhealthy relationships with us from year to year – abusive partners, toxic friendships, or harmful relationships. What we need to thrive are healthy, loving relationships.
Planes have four different forces on them: lift, thrust, weight, and drag. In order to fly, planes need enough lift and thrust to overcome weight and drag. It’s the same way with people. We need lifters and thrusters in our lives in order to fly. And we need to stay away from those who weigh us down and drag us in to unhealthy places. We don’t need to announce to unhealthy people that we are cutting them out, but we do need to spend less time with them. Cutting out a toxic partner is a lot more complicated, but necessary for a fulfilling life. We only want people in our lives who are for us, not against us. Surrounding ourselves with good, positive people who are in our corner is life-changing.
Make the decision to leave toxic relationships in the past.
Unfulfilling Jobs
Oftentimes, we drag with us jobs that are unfulfilling. We know that we are in the wrong place, but it’s comfortable, and, besides, it’s so much effort and time to look for a new job. So we just stay in the same wrong job year after year.
Each of us is uniquely hardwired with gifts, skills, passions, and personalities to do something that makes this world a better place. We each have a mission to fulfill. A purpose to achieve. We are not here randomly. Mark Twain once said, “The two most important days are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.” To be fulfilled and to be really good at what we do, we need to find out what our purpose is, and boldly do that. Sometimes that takes more education, or moving jobs, or even starting your own company.
Make the decision to discover your mission, move in that direction, and leave an unfulfilling job in the past.
Lies and Unhealthy Ways of Thinking
Many times we drag around lies – unhealthy ways of thinking told to us by parents, abusive partners, society, or even church members and pastors. What we need is truth.
What are some of those lies? To be successful, you must be rich and well known. Every one of my peers has a better life than me, as we can see from their social media posts. All men are pigs. Women just want to be dominated. There are no good men. There are no good women. Once we get married, he will change. I will love him enough to change him. I can live with someone with a [severe personality disorder/felony conviction/addiction/other unhealthy condition] and be just fine. Counseling will change my abusive husband. God will hate you if you divorce an abusive spouse. Love means staying together no matter what.
It’s time to recognize the lies, leave them in the past, and replace them with truth.
What Will You Do This Year?
There are at least 5 unhealthy things to leave behind as we start the new year. What unhealthy baggage do you have that needs to be left behind, so that in this upcoming year you can thrive and soar? What do you need to do to leave that baggage behind? What lies do you need to recognize and reject so you can replace them with truth?
Let this be the year you choose health and thriving!
With Love and Truth, Charlene D. Quint
