There’s a great song from the 1980’s entitled “I Need a Hero.”  And last week as I was watching my sweet husband fix a leaky faucet with his head under the sink and sitting on a hip that is in pain and scheduled for a total replacement, without any complaints, I thought “He’s my hero!”  I’ve kissed a few toads.  So, I know a prince when I see one.

The lyrics of the song go like this:

“Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods?

Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.

I need a hero. I’m holding out of a hero ‘til the end of the night.

He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero. I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light.

He’s gotta be sure, and it’s gotta be soon, and he’s gotta be larger than life.”

And isn’t a hero what every woman needs?  Isn’t that who we dream of? But how often do we settle for less?  For someone who turns out to be toxic, or immature, or dysfunctional? And why do we settle for less? Why do we believe the lies that we don’t deserve better? Or that we will be single and lonely if we don’t take whatever comes along? Or that all the good men are gone, so we can’t expect any better?

If you are contemplating letting a partner into your life, I urge you to choose well.  You are the Queen of your kingdom – the area of influence entrusted to you – whether that is a home, a community, or a place of work.  As the Queen, you have the responsibility of protecting, encouraging, leading, and developing those entrusted to your care. That is a high calling. Choose someone worthy of ruling by your side. Someone who appreciates the responsibilities of servant leadership – because that is, in fact, what adulting is – and is up to the task.

Choose royalty. Choose a hero.

Queens, let me add some thoughts about the requirements of the hero we all need in our lives.

I Need a Hero.  I need a man, not an overgrown boy.  I need someone who takes responsibility for the hard tasks of life – raising children, excelling at work, honoring a wife – and doesn’t whine and complain about it.  Who has big shoulders for the big jobs that are necessary to get through this world – shoulders big enough to carry not only his burdens, but also the burdens of others.

I Need a Hero.  I need a protector, not a mama’s boy.  I need someone who will protect his family physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and yes, sexually.  I need someone who will fight to keep his family safe, and say “no” to the unending barrage of things that want to destroy them and him. I need someone with good judgment and common sense who will not get foolishly swept away by something or someone enticing, bright and blingy that promises excitement but leads to destruction.

I Need a Hero. I need a man who is kind and gentle, and cherishes those entrusted to his care, not harsh, or mean, or self-centered.  I need someone who knows what sacrifice means, and willingly lays down his own selfish interests for the sake of something higher, something better, something more worthwhile. I need a man who is grateful for the precious gifts that his wife, his family, his community, and his country are.  And treats them like the treasures they are.

I Need a Hero. I need a man who will labor, along with me, to support his family, not a dream-chasing loafer.  I need someone who has a work ethic, who puts pride in a job well done, and who will do whatever it takes to provide for himself and his family. Not a parasite living off his partner, a government program, or his parents.

I Need a Hero.  I need a warrior, not a wimp.  I need a man who fiercely fights for a righteous cause, fearlessly battles evil to protect those he loves, and courageously lives by the warrior ethos: “I will always place the mission first; I will never accept defeat; I will never quit; I will never leave a fallen comrade.”

I Need a Hero.  I need a man of honor and integrity, not a swindler, fake, or imposter. I need a man whose word is his bond. Whose handshake is better than a contract. Who lives by an unbreakable code.  Who does the right thing, even when no one is watching, and even when he gets nothing in return.  Who respects those around him, and treats the janitor with the same high regard that he treats the CEO.

I Need a Hero.  I need a man on a mission, not a rudderless wanderer.  I need someone who lives his life with intentionality and who  knows himself.  I need a man who understands his purpose, and who has set his sails on a course to accomplish it. I need someone who humbly appreciates the gifts God has given him, and uses them to make the world a better place.  A man whose definition of success is not just money in his bank account, but a life well-lived.

I Need a Hero. I need a man who actually knows God, not someone who just knows about God. I need a man who reflects God’s character of love and justice.  Who doesn’t just recite the Lord’s Prayer “Let your kingdom come, let your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” but is an active participant with God in bringing heaven to earth.  A man you can identify as “one of the good ones” because he leaves a trail of blessings in his wake. A man who lives the Golden Rule. A man who is so surrounded by God’s Spirit, that I must get to know the Spirit, to get to know him.

Queens, you wear a royal crown.  You have a kingdom to rule.  You need a hero as a partner.  Don’t settle for less.

In truth and love,

Charlene